375) July Report & Vacation

August 2, 2009
Sunday

Home: I was channel surfing yesterday while napping on and off after a busy week at work... and I happened upon one of Wayne Dyer's* presentations on his new book, Excuses Begone, and it reminded me of something I have learned and forgotten many times. If we direct our thoughts to what we are thankful for and think about... in those last few minutes before we drop into sleep... we want for our future there is a greater likelihood of manifesting those things in our futures. When I got really tired of, and finished with my experience of dialysis and waiting for my new kidney... I think I started focusing on a new kidney and the changes it would bring to my life and being thankful while imagining a new life as I went to sleep... and within a short period of time... we were surprised by that fateful Monday morning call that came. I recall hoping, praying, researching paired exchanges, and expressing my frustrations along with my focus on getting this new kidney. For example see post 330 from February, when I talked about creating positive futures.

And one of the things I badly need to think about when I drift off to dreamland every night... is taking my meds on time. I go thru these spells when I concentrate on the meds and all goes well for a time. I bought a talking alarm clock that has worked fine, except I don't usually keep it with me... it speaks out from the bottom of my briefcase usually... and if, perchance, my briefcase is near me, I get a chuckle when I hear the black bag say softly, "it's nine oclock". It does have one little problem: when I put the talking alarm clock in my pocket, the little buttons get pressed by my pants when I sit down, and then the time, alarm, and settings invariable get changed. Sigh. So, now I have the added chore of sending it back and getting one that is more suited to pants pockets. That difficulty, plus going on vacation and changing time zones and daily schedules has thrown me off my pill taking schedule. I must sheepishly admit that I actually missed a morning med taking once and when I discovered it and immediatly took my meds, it took about three days to get back to my 8 am / 8 pm schedule. Then just last Friday, while doing a workshop I noticed at about noon that I hadn't taken the morning meds yet, so I am now readjusting to that screw-up by adjusting a half hour at a time til I get back to the 8 and 8 schedule. Will be back on schedule tomorrow morning. As I write this I am hoping that Bernadette is no longer following this blog, because I am really too embarrassed about my mistakes to even share them with her. When I think about it I attribute the whole missing meds thing to ADD, and is that an "excuse", Dyer would ask? Well, yes.... and, also the whole deal about when one begins to feel like a healthy human again, which I am particularly happy about these days, then it is easy to forget, or put to the back of my brain, the meds-taking that defines me as still "sick". Does that make sense? The healthier I feel the more the meds seem get forgotten. I must do something about the way I have that framed... and fast. Bernadette's germanic voice rings in my brain, much like mom's used to... "even missing the rejection and anti-infection drugs by a little shortens the long term life of your kidney" and in the vision accompanying the voice she is smiling while shaking her finger at me.

Bit of News: My dad is finally back at home and doing better, according to my sources. Since our last difficult phone call, I have been intent on giving him space (at his request) to recover and heal before "bothering" him again. I am very pleased to hear about him being back home and that is a worry I can put away. When our parents get to that age where we worry about their health and we begin to hear about their aging and we begin to realize they are beginning that stage of moving on... we, have to accept the tenuousness of life on this planet. We don't want to lose them and we also don't want them to suffer. We understand that they become more fragile and yet there is little we can do anymore to assist them. In my dad's case, as he ages he seems to get more in touch with his lack of control over everything and I think that is very tough on him. So, when he asks for being "left alone", no matter how difficult it is to let go, I believe we must respect the aged wishes, no matter what we believe. Some people would have us disregard the aged one's wishes and go on the way we are accustomed to behaving, and I think that is a move that is more about our needs than there needs. So, no matter how much it is unsatisfactory to our needs, we really show our love by accepting the aged one's needs and desires to make their lives as comfortable as they want it to be. I am sending light and best wishes to dad for the time being.

Vacation Report: We recently returned from a week in the mountains of southern New Mexico, the land of enchantment! It was much cooler and wet than Austin has been and we were thrilled by the daily rains in Cloud Croft that remind me of all the years I have gone there over my life. I recalled to Lizzie one story from the hippie years of hitch-hiking from Ruidoso to CC with Anita and somewhere along the route we got caught in a total downpour that soaked us to the bone. Then we got a ride in the bed of a pickup truck and got out in CC to meet our friends (Dale and Jay and maybe some others) and they, plus all the lookers on, were surprised to see drenched us in the sunny skies when not a drop had fallen.

I was delighted to share this mountain experience of afternoon rains again with Liz and for the first conscious time with Shayna Rose. We did some hiking, reading, shopping, and just enjoying the mountain air.

For the last few days we headed back down to Texas and visited UT folks at Balmorhea and old friends at Ft. Davis before heading back to Austin thru Alpine and Marfa. This last picture is enroute to Alpine from Ft. Davis



Notes:
*Sometimes when I need a small pick-me-up, I click on Dyer's Blog and usually can find something that works.