65) Sick of the Whole Thing

October 14, 2006

Earlier Note:
I haven’t posted in a week now. I’ve been sick of this whole thing and felt like ignoring it… of course, I can’t really ignore going for dialysis… but I can ignore writing about it. There are people who don’t show up for dialysis and my guess is that they get up one day and say, “Shit! I hate this and I’m not going today! There’s no way that they can make me go. I don’t care what happens or how it hurts my system… I’m not going!” And so they don’t go. And sometimes, those folks end up hospitalized before they decide to come back. It’s like breathing to us that need it. You can’t really decide not to breathe anymore. Of course, breathing is easier than dialysis.

But, I maintain when I’m feeling positive, that you can frame dialysis like breathing by saying to yourself, “This is just what I have to do to keep my health, like taking needed medications, washing my hands after pooping, washing veggies before cooking, eating healthy foods, exercising, keeping a positive body image, doing good deeds”, etc. I said to a friend in an email today, “I have to remember that the dialysis is just one of those things like the things we all do to keep our health”, and then I reported to her how I get out of the occasional distressing doldrums. “Today I'm doing better, after going out of town and immersing myself in my passion (training/consulting) for a few days. When I do that I put myself in service to the people I am training and that process helps my attitude adjust.”

El Milagro: Called Ron this morning and he said, “Call back at noon” and then at noon; “Come in at 1”. Gladys cannulated me today and I settled in to watch Missouri beat A & M. They almost did it too… but, A & M’s 12th man figured in the equation and A & M won. All I did today was watch Primal Quest Utah* and the football the game.

Notes: Tuesday: In at 75.7 Kg. and out at 72.0 Kg.
Thursday: In at 73.9 and out at 71.8 Kg. I got the report from Jennifer the Dietician that my lab work looks good! Phosphorous is down and it seems that moving up to 90 mg. of Sensipar is the solution.
Saturday: In at 73.8 and out at 71.3 Kg.

* Primal Quest Utah: on the web at http://www.ecoprimalquest.com/2006/race/map/

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